


Come As You Are

by SecondFromTheRight



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry's POV, Episode: s01e21 Grodd Lives, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondFromTheRight/pseuds/SecondFromTheRight
Summary: Iris tries to come to terms with Barry being The Flash.“That’s…part of it, yes. But it wasn’t just that, I really did love just being able to be The Flash around you. I know it wasn’t fair, and it was selfish, but it –““I liked flirting with you too.” She confessed quietly, silencing him. He knew she had, he’d been there after all, one half of their flirting, but to hear her say it, and know and acknowledge she was saying it about him, Barry – it stunned him. “Meeting up with the local superhero after dark? Who’d come whenever I asked? Who seemed to actually…like me? It was hot.”





	Come As You Are

**Author's Note:**

> This is either an add-on scene or I guess an alternative scene. I'd rather not the latter because I like the Barry and Iris scene after Grodd and I don't really want to write over it, essentially. It just didn't cover everything I wanted it to. So I'll leave it up to the reader. If this can feel like another scene, great, but if it feels too similar that it has be an alternative one, I get that too.
> 
> This is my first Flash fic.

His phone beeped a notification and reading a message from Iris’ blog contact that they had used to communicate before she knew he was the Flash, left Barry confused.

One word. “Rooftop.”

Why was she messaging him at his Flash info? She was one of his most used contacts and he knew he as Barry was one of hers. His name was always near the top of her call lists. 

She was already waiting when he arrived at Jitter’s rooftop.

“Your suit.” Was how she greeted him.

“Huh?” He replied. She looked so damn pretty in the moonlight, standing here in their place, waiting for him.

“You’re not…you’re not wearing your Flash suit.” She said, almost like she was accusing him.

“Oh. Uh. Should I be? Is something happening? I haven’t heard anything.” He was getting his phone out to call Cisco to check if there something going down when Iris stopped him.

“No. No, there isn’t anything. That’s not why I…” she exhaled before taking a deep breath. Her face became shuttered, determined. “I want you here as Flash. I invited Flash here so that’s who should be here.”

“Iris, I don’t –”

“Suit, Barry!” she said frustrated, a huff on her breath. He stared at her for a beat before doing what he was told, running to STAR Labs for his suit and then running back to the rooftop. Her hair and dress ruffled as he arrived. He couldn’t say how much he enjoyed seeing that, being the cause of that.

He just stood there as The Flash, looking at her. He really didn’t understand what was happening right now, what she was looking for. But he knew Iris West and she was pissed off at him. Rightfully so. And he knew himself. He would do anything to make it better for her, to see her smiling at him again. So he would do whatever it was she wanted. He stood still waiting for her lead. She took a step towards him, then another and another until she was directly in front of him. She kept her eyes on his Flash emblem and he wished she’d look up at him. Then her hand followed her eyes and hesitantly she pressed her hand flat against his chest. He wanted to reach up and wrap his hand around her elbow, cover her hand with his own, hold her shoulder, anything. But instead he continued to stay still and let her touch him.

He’d never been this close to Iris as The Flash before. Not like this. He’d touched her, lifted her, ran with her. But standing still like this, being close only for the purpose of being so – that was new. It felt stupid that he was effected by it considering he as Barry had been this close to Iris many times over his life, but this somehow felt different. And Iris clearly felt the difference too. Her breath was shallower than usual and her eyes still avoided his own. He didn’t want to break whatever spell was enveloping them just now but he couldn’t stay silent and still anymore.

“Iris,” he started, but she cut him off again.

“As Flash.” She reminded him. “Your voice.”

He continued accepting her demands, trying again with “Iris.” as he vibrated his voice, disguising it from his regular one. She gasped and her face crumbled a little and Barry didn’t know what to do. She still hadn’t looked up at him and it was unsettling him. He hated that she didn’t want to look at his face, and he hated that he couldn’t see her eyes.

He risked angering her by bringing his hand up to hers and covering hers, the soft leather of his gloves pressing against her small hand, still placed upon his lightning bolt, the heel of her palm settled below, sitting on the leather. He remembered standing in a similar position with her after waking up from the coma. When he’d immediately come to Jitters, the first thing he wanted to do, find her, see her, stare at her, be with her. She’d stood feeling his heart then too, beating for her, his hand pressed over hers. And then her co-worker had dropped her tray and its contents and Barry had watched at the world slowed down around him, completely freaking out about what was going on. And then everything had changed, his whole life. But still, throughout that entire moment, Iris had stood with her hand on his heart, and his hand capturing hers. She’d anchored him through that. She’d anchored him through his encounter with Grodd too.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Shh!” She immediately scolded and Barry sighed. He felt even worse when she pulled her hand away, his own dropping as a result. But then she stepped even closer to him, almost pressing her body against his. Her fingertips traced over his suit, over his ribs. He tensed and tried not to flinch, but Iris West was touching him; it was hard not to react. Even through the suit, he could feel her. She trailed her hand down to his waist, curling around his side and rubbing her thumb against the material just above his belt. Not flinching became a lot harder. Then her hand made its way back up his side again, over his chest, his collarbones and stopped at his neck. He cursed his suit; he wanted to feel her skin, feel it against his own. She brought her other hand up as well as her shakey hands touched his chin guard, fingering the material, and then finally – finally, her fingers were on his face. Her skin against his own. Iris’ touch was familiar to him, even on his face. Rubbing dirt off him, nursing a bruise after bullies had hit him or after he’d tripped him like the clumsy kid he was, brushing tears away on a mother’s day, capturing an eyelash and requesting a wish that he always used on a wish for her, playfully marking him with food or water or any number of the playfights they’d had as kids, as teenagers, even as adults sometimes. Even an intimate touch on his face from Iris wasn’t new. But this? The way her hands traced every detail of him that she could reach, the way she stared at the path her fingers took, the way she was so soft and cautious. She’d never explored him like this before. He wanted her to look at his eyes. She focused on his face now at least, he could see her eyes, finally, but still, she hadn’t met his.

“Again.” She demanded quietly. It took him a minute to figure out what she meant, he was so caught up in her.

“Iris.” he whispered with his voice vibrating again, but it still broke on the single word. How could it not? The Flash was secure and capable. Efficient and ready. Righteous and even-footed. Witty and amused. He wasn’t any of those things right now. He was just Barry Allen, awkwardly and devotedly in love with the woman in front of him, his best friend. The woman who had her hands all over him.

His eyes drifted closed. He couldn’t keep the control anymore. He dipped his head towards her, letting her explore him. He could feel the heat of her body against his as she stood pressed against him now, smell her perfume almost like it was on his own skin. Her fingertips touched the line of his lips. His mouth slightly curled – he couldn’t help it – and she followed, running soft, warm fingers over his shape of his smile. He wanted to lick his lips, taste her, but he didn’t want to scare her away even more and so kept still. He could feel his breath exhaled from his nose hitting her fingers. Her thumb pressed over both his lips, the rest of her hand cupping across his cheek. God, Iris. 

She left his lips and moved up on his cheek, using both hands again as she cupped and felt her way as much as she could with his mask in the way. She stopped moving as she reached his eyes. She brushed delicate fingers against the edge of his mask and he thought she might try to push his cowl off, or ask him to take it off, but instead her hands fully dropped away and he mourned the loss of touch. He swallowed his cry back, his eyes still closed.

“You feel like Barry.” She said. He opened his eyes at that and she was finally looking at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

“Are you disappointed?” he asked in his normal voice. She brows furrowed in confusion so he clarified “That The Flash isn’t some rich, good-looking smooth guy,” he said thinking of Oliver Queen and how she’d reacted to him, thinking of how she’d reacted to The Flash. “That The Flash is just your nerdy best friend?” He didn’t know what was pushing him to ask outright. Was he trying to completely break his own heart?

“Barry,” she sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

He wondered if he should be grateful she’d avoided the question. Maybe he was determined to break his own heart and humiliate himself, but Iris didn’t seem to want to at least. He took a step back from her, turning his body away from her, but she grabbed his arm and turned him back.

“I’m not disappointed, Barry. I’m terrified. And I’m excited – this is so exciting! You’re a superhero!” she exclaimed with a smile. “This…amazing thing happened to you, and you’re a hero and what it means for your mother’s murder and your father’s freedom and what you can do – I am so excited for that! But you never told me, so I missed all that excitement. You excluded me from it. From all of it.”

“I didn’t want to.” He told her.

“But you did. You had this whole part of your life that you never told me about, that you lied to me about.”

“You didn’t tell me about Eddie either!” Fuck what was wrong with him? Bring up her missing, good-guy boyfriend, sure, that will really help. Wasn’t bad enough to try to turn it back on her, but just had to remind her that he wasn’t the guy she wanted. He was such an idiot.

“That’s not fair!” she responded angrily and she was so right.

“I know.” He sighed, raising his eyes to the sky and cursing himself. 

“And I did tell you!” she stated.

He looked back at her. “Iris, you told me because I saw you. That doesn’t really – “

“No, I told you while you were in the coma.” She shut him up. “Every day I’d sit with you and I would give you updates. I told you everything about my relationship with Eddie because you’re Barry; you’re my best friend and I tell you everything – I wanted to tell you everything. And I hated that you couldn’t give me an opinion. Tell me I was being ridiculous for going out with him, scold me for how my dad would react, promise to back me up despite that. I wanted you to meet him. I wanted your approval because I questioned myself so much without you being a part of it. And I’d plead for you to wake up just so you could judge my taste.” She had tears running down her face now and he wanted to wipe them away. She took a breath. “And you didn’t feel the same. You didn’t feel the need to tell me about this major thing you were going through. You were fine without me being a part of it.”

“That’s not true, Iris. I promise.” He swore, striding back into her space and looking at her. “I wanted you there for every second. I hated that you weren’t there to give me your opinion too.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? How could you go months without me knowing? Months, Barry!” she looked so heartbroken – he’d done that to her.

“I imagined you being there all the time.” He told her. “Every meta we dealt with, I thought about what you’d think. If you’d help Cisco come up with names, if you’d sit with me as Caitlin treated whatever injury I’d gotten, if you’d argue with Wells about the best way to push me. And I’d think about just sitting with you, talking to you about what was happening to me, how it felt. And god, Iris, I wanted to run with you, show what I could do, make you feel what I felt. Why’d you think I involved myself as The Flash with you? I wanted you involved!”

“But you didn’t tell me, Barry!”

“I did! When it got too much and you were standing in my lab asking what was going on with me, I used my speed and ranted and told you how much I wanted to tell you, tell you everything, but all you knew was a split second drinking your coffee – you didn’t know. I couldn’t let you. ” He wanted to cry too now. “And it’s partly why I told you about I felt about you. I needed to be honest with you, about something.”

Iris’ shoulders slumped and she turned away from him, walking to the end of the rooftop and looked out. He waited a beat but followed her, keeping some distance behind her but he couldn’t not follow her.

“Was it a game to you?” he heard her ask though she still was turned away.

“What?” he replied, hoping she meant something other than what it seemed.

“Being The Flash. Being here, with me. Making me feel…” she trailed off and looked over the city, the city that he tried to keep safe. “Was it a game to you? Was it funny? To see how close you could be and I still wouldn’t realise the secret that everybody else knew?”

“No! Iris, no. I…I just wanted to share it with you, somehow, any way. And I… I enjoyed it.” He admitted. She turned back at him at that, piercing him with a look that he knew meant she could go right back to raging at him in a second if he didn’t fix this – that she was giving him a chance to fix this. Barry has awkwardly made his way through ramblings in front of Iris for years. She knew how often he did not say the right thing.

He took a breath, stepping into her space again and tried again. “I don’t mean I enjoyed tricking you – I didn’t. So many times I wanted you to work it out, I wanted to just take my mask off. But I did enjoy…having you see me as something…else. I enjoyed that I could be that way with you, freer. And though it wasn’t me to you, you were still you to me; I got to show you who – what – I could do. I enjoyed being that with you.”

“Flirting with me.” She summed up, cutting through it all. He looked away, embarrassed.

“That’s…part of it, yes. But it wasn’t just that, I really did love just being able to be The Flash around you. I know it wasn’t fair, and it was selfish, but it –“

“I liked flirting with you too.” She confessed quietly, silencing him. He knew she had, he’d been there after all, one half of their flirting, but to hear her say it, and know and acknowledge she was saying it about him, Barry – it stunned him. “Meeting up with the local superhero after dark? Who’d come whenever I asked? Who seemed to actually…like me? It was hot.”

Jesus Christ. She took his breath with that.

“It was an escape.” She continued, killing the heat Barry had started to feel go through him. “He was a superhero!” she said obviously. “A masked one. Completely unattainable. Who didn’t really know me, and whose faults I didn’t know and who probably had similar encounters with countless other girls.”

“I didn’t!” he denied automatically, a vehement whisper.

“I wasn’t finished.” She glared at him.

“But Iris, you have to know, there wasn’t anybody else.”

“But there was for me, Barry!” his heart hurt at that one. Shaking his head he leaned over the walls at the edge of the rooftop. He swallowed back his upset. It wasn’t fair. He knew she felt something for him – he knew it.

“I had a crush on the local celebrity hero, a boyfriend that I live with.” She carried on stabbing that wound. He kept his gaze away from her. “And…a best friend I couldn’t stop thinking about.” She said with a cry in her voice. He turned his head back towards her, but he couldn’t move further than that. She licked her lips as another tear fell. “And I thought they kind of cancelled each other out. If I was having feelings for different people, I couldn’t really be feeling them that much. But instead it turns out it wasn’t different people; it was just you.”

“Yeah, just me.” He scoffed quietly. He felt more exhausted and battered than he did after many fights he’d had taking down metas, but it figured really. Iris West had more power to affect him than anybody did, than anybody ever would.

“That’s not what I meant.” She told him, now at his side and tugging at his arm until he was fully turned towards her again. He looked at her face. He loved that face so much. It steadied him, excited him. “I meant that both the thrill and the tension I felt with The Flash…it was you. And the familiarity and comfort I felt with my best friend…it was you. You who knows me better than anyone, you who understands me better than anyone, you who rescued me and who met me here and I wrote about. Putting them together Barry, that’s a lot to feel for someone.”

“Trust me, I know.” Making it obvious he was referring to how he felt about her.

“I know you think it should make it easier. That it should all come together and just work out, but Barry, I can’t feel that way yet. You weren’t The Flash to me. It’s not easy for me to just change how I saw all those interactions. And I’m still so mad at you for lying to me. I don’t know how to…” she sobbed her confusion, her hand covering her mouth. He couldn’t ignore Iris in distress, not as Barry Allen and not as The Flash. He took her in his arms, glad she went willingly. She burrowed into him, hiding her face under his chin. He could feel her hand back on his chest.

“Take it off.” She whispered. “The mask – take it off.”

He didn’t want to let go of her to do anything, even something she’d asked of him. He thought about speeding through it, but he got the impression she wouldn’t be very amused if he did so. She’d asked this for a reason; she wanted to be able to actually witness it happening. Regretfully he took his arms from her. She took a step back from him and stared at him, just watched him, waiting. He brought his hands to his face, digging his fingers under his mask and pulling his cowl off and away from his face, letting it settle behind his head. He kept his eyes on her the whole time, letting her see The Flash become Barry. He wondered if maybe this was something she needed, to actually see it.

Her hands were back on his face, around his eyes where they’d dropped away earlier. He resisted letting his eyes drift close this time, instead concentrating on keeping his breathing steady. She pulled her hands away and lifted his into hers. “Gloves. Take them off too.” She said but she was already taking them off for him, slipping the leather off and back, letting the gloves hang at his wrists. It shouldn’t really make a difference but feeling her with his hands – he hadn’t realised it was something he’d needed through this. Touching digits with Iris was familiar, and something he loved. He took more control than he had throughout tonight, taking her smaller hands in his, curling his fingers around hers.

“I don’t know how I missed it.” She said looking at him, finally fully looking into his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think anybody expects Barry Allen to be The Flash.” He tried to joke self-deprecatingly.

“You are the most tardy person in the entire world. Doesn’t exactly scream ‘fastest man alive’.” She said with a quiet laugh. He automatically smiled upon seeing hers.

He didn’t want to ruin the peace, to take the smile, but he wanted to deal with as much as they could now. This had happened because he’d kept things from her, hidden things. He wanted to fix it, as much as he could.

“You were always part of it, Iris. I know it doesn’t feel that way for you, but I promise, The Flash never existed without Iris West. And it wasn’t your blog, or that I got to meet you like I did – it was because you’re my best friend. The first time I realised I had speed I was standing with you, as Barry. You’re so much a part of me; you were with me the whole time. I need you to believe me.”

“I do, Barry, I do believe you.” She told him softly. “I just wish I felt that way too.”

He nodded at her. He wished that too. He still held her hands. They were small and soft. And they were always warm. Always. Sometimes Barry wondered if he was so in love with her that he just imagined it, imagined that heat.

“Will you be part of it now? Of the Team? You can be as involved or not as as you like. I know it's safer to involve you now.” To have her be there, physically be there, finally – he’d wanted that for so long. It would be complete if she was.

“That’s the other thing,” she started, switching their hands and holding his instead, gripping them. “I’m worried about you. You risk your life, all the time – I’ve seen you do it. And before…I worried about The Flash, I did, but knowing it’s you – you’re not invincible, Barry. With Grodd? I was so scared for you.” Her eyes were fully focused on his, they were so bright against the night light, almost sparkling.

“And you saved me; we won.” He tried to assure her.

“And if next time I can’t save you, if you don’t win?” he went to speak but she carried on. “I’m not telling you not to be The Flash, Barry. I wouldn’t. This city needs you and god, I’m so proud of you. I’ve always known you as brave and strong but this?” she breathed out with a smile as her eyes shined with tears again. “But I’ve been dropped in the deep end. I didn’t get time to get used to it. I can’t even stay mad at you because what if something happens to you! What if something happens and you’re hurt or worse and I’m still mad at you and that’s all I…”

“Hey,” he interrupted her rambling. She was upsetting herself, over him, and he couldn’t bare it. He quickly switched both of her hands into one of his larger ones and then used to free hand to cup her cheek. He tilted her head up and leaned his own down to fully capture her gaze. “I’m okay. And I’m careful, and I have a great team helping me – and I have you.” He told her. She was looking up at him, listening to him. Those eyes gave him the strength to risk it. “I do have you, don’t I?” he asked her, silently pleading for her to agree. She kept her eyes on him.

“Eddie’s still missing.” Was her response.

“And I’m going to find him.” He vowed automatically. Her look turned pitying and he felt it spear him. She didn’t believe in him.

“I know you believe that, Barry. And I know you will try, that you’ll do everything you can. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be able to. There’s some things we can’t win.”

“Iris,” he started.

“Barry,” she talked over him. “I can’t…do..us, right now. I can’t be that person.” She told him.

He nodded at her, letting his hand fall from her face. It wasn’t a total defeat exactly, but it was hardly a win either. Was Iris always going to be one of those things she mentioned that he couldn’t win? It hurt.

She leaned up on her toes, pulling her hands from his and bracing herself on his shoulders instead. Her lips brushed a light kiss on his lower cheek, near the corner of his mouth. Barry almost stopped breathing. It took everything in him to not turn his head and kiss her properly. He knew what she felt like, what her lips tasted like against his. But she didn’t know that. Another thing he hid from her. He squeezed his eyes shut.

She lowered herself back down to her the flats of her feet, but her hands still gripped his shoulders. She brushed the leather covering one of them, her eyes looking at his suit. “I like you in red.” She told him. That did feel like a win, like the start of her accepting him as The Flash. It was her way of telling him that, he knew it. And the soft smile of hers that accompanied it meant the world to him. He had to find Eddie. To save him from Wells, but also so they could start to move forward again. He’d spent so much of his life stuck, unable to peruse things the way he wanted because he couldn’t fully move on. He had to deal with this, for all their sakes.

“Can you take us home?” she asked.

“You’re staying at the house tonight?” He hoped he got to spend more of the night with her. 

“Yeah. Wanna watch a movie together? Barry and Iris time?” her smile turned sweet and easy, suggested something simpler.

“But you want to get there as Iris and The Flash?” he queried.

“No mask.” She insisted. “But, yeah. It’s been while since I’ve been whooshed away by The Flash.” She teased with a small smile.

He curled his arm around her, wrapping around her waist and settling at the base of her back. And then he deliberately pulled her against him, a small noise of exclaim coming from her mouth at the movement. Her eyes shot to his and he stared back. It was cocky of him, risky even, but she was allowing it. And this was it – this was Barry fully getting to be The Flash with Iris West. And just for the enjoyment of it, not because there was trouble, but just because they could, and they wanted to. He was embracing the moment for all he could.


End file.
